Zebras are just horses that have been arrested
What we've got here is failure to communicate
I enjoy working out, brunches, & other people's cooking.
Early to bed, early to rise. JK. Stay up forever, get drunk and eat fries
Peek-a-boo. You found me!!!
Bitches or not, 99 problems is still a shitload of problems
I make people hotter.
I say idk a lot but trust me, I be knowin'
Salad tastes like I'd rather be fat
Always be kind to everyone. So when you murder them, no one will suspect you
Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon
Drink Coffee. Do stupid things faster with more energy
Always trust someone who likes big butts cuz they cannot lie
Autocorrect has become my worst enema
Get rich or drunk trying
Will squat for fries
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "WHY, what did you hear?!"
You miss 100% of the naps you don't take
Please don't talk to me unless you are food
Running behind is my cardio
I can cook minute rice in 58 seconds #skillz
Please shut the fuck up about your workout
They say you are what you eat, but I don't remember eating a fucking legend!
Don't understand why people have to "get ready" for bed. I'm always ready for bed
98% of my upper body strength comes from blow drying my hair. The other 2% comes from taking selfies
Eyebrows speak louder than words
The fact that I need sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me last night was awesome!
I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon!
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